I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
