Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
