nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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