you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
