Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
