found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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