Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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