He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
