How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
