He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
