i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
