her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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