you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
