Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
