This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
