The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
