why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
