I heard we made out
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
