can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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