I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
