i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
