I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
