I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
