Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
