I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
