dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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