we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
