somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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