so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
