Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
