Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
