Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
