why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
being pregnant is like rehab
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
