you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
