I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
