if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
