he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
