I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
All the doctor said was why
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
