Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
