are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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