I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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