Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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