New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
