Who did Billy Mays play for?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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