I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
