Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
