Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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