sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
