Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
