You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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