Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
