Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
