My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
